


Two is better than one

by sharedwithyou



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Needs a Hug, Original Character(s), Protective Thor, Reader-Insert, So Loki Doesn't Get a Hug, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Maybe if I had met him first” you said, bemusedly. </p><p>“But you didn’t!!” Loki burst out. “You didn’t! You met me! </p><p>He took a breath, letting his anger simmer for the moment. “You loved me first.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two is better than one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ironkhaleesi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironkhaleesi/gifts).



> This is dedicated to the lovely Ironkhaleesi who impassioned me to write again.  
> And who also gave me lots of Lokilove. yes yes, lots of it.
> 
>  
> 
> oh yes angst. lots of angst.
> 
> for more angst read extending ending. for less, don't.

“So this is it then.” You chuckled dryly. Loki winced as if he could hear the crack in your voice you had swallowed. You could hide with your voice, but not your heart. He knew. He always knew.  
You turned your head looking just over his shoulder, as if the distance could stop the tears. You could feel Loki’s eyes searching your face, commanding you to look at him. Look him in the eyes. And when you didn’t, begging instead with his emerald eyes, shimmering as always. His pride would never let him truly beg for you, beg for you to stay.  
“Maybe if I had met him first” you said, bemusedly.  
“But you didn’t!!” Loki burst out. “You didn’t! You met me! My brother has always been first. In line for the throne, in father’s eyes; this is what I had! The only time, the only chance I received to be first. You were mine!!” He took a breath, letting his anger simmer for the moment. “You loved me first.”

“I know.” You wanted to shout, to return your words with the fire you had heard in his voice. If it were any other day you would have. But you were tired. Broken. 

“You cannot tell me honestly you love him more. He is crass and uncultured; he bumbles through love like the brute he is. He’ll break you again and again. You know that! He’s clumsy and rash; he’ll be the same way with your love. How can you be so…” He didn’t bother to finish that last word. 

“Stupid? Foolish? Pig-headed?” you bit the words out. “You know that’s not what I meant” he answered, frustrated. Those words he would use on his brother, but he couldn’t on you.

“You’re wrong.” Loki looked up, ready to defend himself, so you continued. “He’ll break my heart. He is clumsy and childish at times.” Loki opens his mouth to interrupt so you steel yourself and continue. “But he will never break me.”  
“But you? You can. And you will.”

“How can you say that? (Y/N), I know you. I know your soul, your fears, I know how your heart beats. I know when you’re hurt, when you’re scared, no matter what masks you attempt to don. What does he know that I do not?! What can he do for you that I cannot, what can he give that I would not double in measure??” 

“Simplicity. Simple, unadulterated love.” You took in a shuddering breath. “If I had met him first…” you trailed off, knowing how much this was breaking his heart. The depth of losing to his brother again, losing what was rightfully his because he had met you and claimed you first.  
“ If I had met him when he was alone, bedding any woman who so much lifted her eyes to meet his. Before Jane. A simple infatuation, nothing more.  
But I met you. You know I loved you first. We were one; we watched together as he grew out of his insatiable desire for flesh, falling for a Midguard woman of all people.”

“And we were content to do so! How could my orcish brother being with a mere mortal woman turn your favor, take your heart?!”

“You broke me! The man who held my hand so gently, found his hands tangled roughly in some fair maiden’s locks instead. The voice that whispered my name, barking at a poor maidservant, half coerced into your bed. How you cradled me in the garden, your arms cooled by the breeze. Those were the same sweaty arms that would push away another woman as soon as you were finished.” You blinked back tears, your voice gruff, swallowing hard. 

Loki lowered his eyes, and conceded. “I have erred (y/n). I knew how you felt, but I took other women instead. I’m not proud of what I did. You did not deserve the pain I caused, nor did I know the depths of your feelings for me.” Defensive once again, he fired, “But can you not find it within yourself to forgive me? You so easily dismiss the women who fell into my brother’s bed but this you hold against me? I loved you! What was I to do?! Risk having my heart broken by the only thing which mattered, the only one whose name I dared utter as I succumbed to slumber each and every night? What was I to do? I had never loved. Perhaps if I found other women for comfort you could remain my pure and truest friend. I was not ready to be loved the way you loved me. ”

And so he would never understand. He saw my pain, he saw his betrayal; those were emotions he found comfort in. He would never find remorse, not while he basked within his bitter thoughts, looking for the world to return what was owed to him, his actions justified by those flung upon him from his childhood. And ironically, he would never receive that which he felt was owed to him. Not when he was like this.

But you loved him none the same. You always would; for he had loved you as best as he knew how, broken love, with a touch of poison, as bitter as it was sweet.  
And yet Thor, had learned. He had left his womanizing ways behind, he had learned love and loss; he had loved Jane, and through it learned to love you. He had the strength to break you in half, and yet it was his gentle hands that he gathered around you. He was not a philosophical man, and he would not spend days reading aloud to you. He would not muse at your passionate speeches after spending hours buried inside a world of your own, lost inside the words of a book. He would grow restless as he attempted to listen to your newest work of prose. He would not hum along as you attempted to scat to Trane. Oh how he would mock you with your “ba da be dos.” But as sure as he would swear havoc on the barista who overcharged your drink and refused to remake it when you had clearly stated decaf, he would be there in your weakest moments, your rock. He would wipe your tears and attempt to convince you that passionate lovemaking would solve everything, finally kissing away your fears as you fell asleep within those strong, warm arms. And you would wake to his insufferable snores, knowing he would never leave your bed. That was his promise, the one Loki could not give you; for broken love only promises brokenness, and another day would come, when within his fear and tormented heart he would break you again. It was his nature, and his curse; in another day, another time maybe. But not now. They say two is better than one; but you had to choose. The only thing you can count on in life is that it is unfair. And you could not love both; or at the very least you could not string them both along. As much as it broke Loki, it broke you. But you had to go. To your Thor. 

 

Extended ending:

Knowing your thoughts, Loki’s eyes clouded with darkness, and quick as a snake he raised his hand to strike you. You winced instinctively; but it was your eyes that stopped him. His clouded eyes let down a single rain drop. It wasn’t your fear that finally broke him; it was the resignation in your face. As if you knew this day would come; as if the were the last sign that you needed. That you had expected this to come of his love; and the proof was clear as day, not only to you anymore. You raised your hand and he steeled himself for the strike that he so deserved. Instead, wisps of cloud flowed gently from your fingers, slowly ghosting his face, caressing him so gently because your hand could not. Not after everything. He closed his eyes, savoring this last touch, the closest you could come to him, and probably the closest moment you’d have together for the rest of your lives. And as his lids raised slowly, heavy with yearning, you had whisked yourself away, the trailing winds curling away from him, fading with the distance. In his palm, was a beautiful pink rose, vibrant like your spirit, before he had broken it, and after you’d mend it. And as his fingers folded over and he clutched it, it shattered into dust. As the dust blew away, and the tears rolled down his face, he thought he heard your voice, softer than a whisper “Loki.”

**Author's Note:**

> anddd the loki feels are probably hitting you now
> 
> sorry lovelies!!! the angst took over me and i went with it.  
> hope you enjoyed!
> 
> throw me a comment if you liked it =)
> 
> I really really really appreciate comments. it's a bit discouraging when there's like 300 hits and some kudos (so i know my work isn't complete shit) but no one says anything. talk to me my lovelies! i spend a lot of effort on these, and even a few words are really encouraging.


End file.
